Resistance Skills

As parents, we always worry about whether our child will have the ability to say “No” when they are pressured to do something that they shouldn’t.  Trust me, you are not alone.  You feel like you have done a good job raising your teen, but still worry that you may not have prepared them enough.  What if they cave?  what if they don’t know what to do?

Let me suggest talking to your teen about the pressures they face.  Ask them, open a dialogue with them.  You may be surprised what they will tell you.  And continue to teach them.

I found this website, www.mvparents.com, that is put together partly by the NFL and some other sponsors, and it provides some tips on how to teach your kids some Resistance Skills so they can say “no” when they are pressured.  Click here to read Resistance Skills: Effective Responses to Negative Pressure.

This is what your children will be dealing with…

A Middle School (yeah, I said middle school) in Maine has begun to provide birth control for their students- and here is where it gets worse- without parental consent!  What in the world?

From what I can gather, they say this in necessary because of the number of pregnancies in the school. 

Doesn’t this send a confusing message to 12 year olds?  Should we allow 12 and 13 year olds to make sexual decisions like this without there parent even knowing?

Schools have been giving out contraceptives for years, but this is just nuts.  What do you think?  Click here for the article

Parents are Clueless…

You ever felt that way?  I only have a 2 year old and I feel that way.  I can’t imagine what it will be like when she is a teenager.  I know there will be times when she won’t want to tell me things.

Teenagers seem to struggle with that a lot.  There is so much going on in their lives that they don’t tell their parents.  Maybe they are afraid of the punishment, maybe they are embarrassed, maybe they just don’t know how.  Comunication is so hard for teenagers, especially when it comes to talking to their parents. 

I found this website today- www.parentsareclueless.com – and just began reading the posts.  This is not a Christian site by any means so be prepared to read some shocking information. The website is designed to let parents post thoughts and students to post thoughts, all anonymously.  Take a minute and read some of the posts. It can be an eye-opening experience. 

It’s so important to provide an atmosphere where your child can share what is really on their mind.  And for that to happen, they need to know that you love them no matter what.

Your words and Actions matter…

Have you ever said that to your teenager?  Do you wish that they would understand the impact of what they say, how they say it,  and what they do?  If you are like me, you can look back on your life and see moments where you think, “If I could just go back in time and do that again, or say something different”. 

I believe teenagers can take for granted what impact the things they do now can have on their future.  So, with that in mind, we are kicking off a brand new series this Sunday night in Cross Current called “Graffiti: Leaving your Mark”.  You can read more about it on the Student Blog

If you have one of those moments in mind, where you wish you could go back and change your actions, and you would be willing to let me use it as an example (without using names, etc.), drop me an email and let me know.  Using real life stories from people the students know may help make a greater impact on their lives.

Just for Mom’s

God gave us mom’s for a reason.  Enjoy!

Are you really listening?

We all have a problem with this, lets admit it.  We hear what our child is saying, but we don’t really listen.  And that in itself can cause a lot of tension.

You hear all the time teenagers say “My parents just don’t understand me.”  Which also leads them to think that their parents don’t love them. And that is not true.

Believe it or not, your students want to talk with you.  They want to be able to express feelings, share their pains, and know that you love them.  But they just don’t know how.  So as parents and adults, we have to help them.  I found some tips recently on how to be an active listener.  If we do these things, I think you will find that your child has a lot more to say than you would have expected.  Maybe you are doing these things already, great.  Keep up the good work!  And encourage those of us who don’t quite have it down yet…

Keys to Active Listening:

1. Stop
Whatever you are doing, just stop.  By trying to multi-task and still wash the dishes or pay the bills or whatever it is you are doing when your student wants to talk, your student assumes that you are too busy to listen to them.  Remember, body language says more than words. SO STOP!

2. Ask Questions
Remember the goal here is to get your teen to feel free to share the vulnerable things in their life with you.  So don’t ask questions with accusitory tones. (Try asking “What made you feel that way?” instead of “Why did you do that?”- do you see the tone difference?)  So many times getting at the root emotion or issue is stifled because a teen has to go on the defensive.  Try to ask questions that will get them to express feelings(“how was the movie?”), facts(“What happened leading up to the fight?”), and alternate solutions (“What do you think could have been done better?)
In time your teen will learn that you are truly concerned with them and not just with figuring out who to punish.

3. Paraphrase
As you listen, re-state what your teen is telling you.  This will do two things: it will show your teen that you are actually listening, and will allow your teen the opportunity to fill in details that may have been missed.  As you re-state the situation, you can try to pry at what they were feeling (“I bet your were feeling bummed” or whatever) and what they were thinking.

4. Empathize
Empathizing does not mean that you have to agree with your teen.  Empathizing does not mean you have to give in to your teen. Empathizing means that you are not dismissing what your teen says as ridiculous or silly.  Being willing to accept your teens’ thoughts and feelings will only increase the chances that your student will open the deeper vaults with you.  So empathize with your teen.  Let them share before bringing the hammer down (if necessary)

And probably the most important tip:
5. Don’t give advice until your teen has had their chance to share solutions
None of us want to see our kids dealing with a tough situation.  We tend to want to jump in with a “quick-fix” solution. But hold off on that advice. Let teens process the info, the feelings, and see if they don’t come up with a solution on their own.  Remember that you are training them to be an adult. And adults have to process the info and come up with a viable solution.  Ask questions like to “What do you think would be a good solution to this problem?”  or “What do you think should happen?” to engage themin discussion

Active Listening works.  It may take time, and effort, but the relationship that you and your teen can have will be worth it!  I guarantee it!